BASED IN OAKLAND | ONLINE ACROSS CA
Queer & Trans Religious Trauma
LGBTQIA+ AFFIRMING ONLINE THERAPY
– and you’re still untangling yourself from the rigid rules of repressive religious contexts.
Deconstruction upended your world
Turns out that just because you left Purity Culture behind, doesn’t mean it’s leaving you alone. And growing up in Evangelical Christianity has really done a number on how you think about gender and sexuality.
You don’t have to have experienced a “big T” Trauma, like going through conversion therapy, to have been hit hard. For those of us who are queer, nonbinary, trans, or somehow not falling in line with narrow gender norms, everyday life in evangelical cis-heteronormativity was littered with “little t” traumas of exclusion, rejection, stigma, and dissonance. Religious trauma can leave you feeling trapped, chronically on edge, and disconnected from other people, your identity, and what you want.
As you try to disentangle yourself from restrictive, rigid high-control religion, you might find memories and doubts, feelings and fears emerging around:
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When you’ve been so focused on trying to serve and be selfless, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are — if you ever even knew. Questioning your own gender identity and traditional roles; exploring sexual and romantic attractions; and examining beliefs about sex, marriage and monogamy – it can be exhilarating, terrifying, and overwhelming all at the same time.
You might feel “behind” in life, like you’re having to catch up on figuring out dating or relationships where you’re actually yourself, going through a second puberty as you transition, or discovering your wants, beliefs, and values.
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While intensely personal, deconstructing also has inevitable ripple effects on your relationships. Questioning your own identity and beliefs might rock the boat in your marriage, impact your parenting choices, or disrupt longstanding family patterns.
The people you used to turn to for support might be the very ones you’re now having to set new boundaries and have tough conversations with. Or maybe your affirming partner and found family are sympathetic, but they didn’t spend several days a week for decades at church and just don’t get it.
Your tight-knit community and meaningful relationships hurt you deeply but used to be your whole world. It’s overwhelming and isolating to navigate this complicated loss and ongoing grief alone.
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Because of purity culture and indoctrination about the sinfulness of “same-sex attraction,” you might feel persistent internalized shame and guilt about sex and your body that clash with the relief and rightness of your happily queer, kinky, or poly sex life.
Maybe you’ve gotten trapped in other high-control settings, relationships, or your own rigid rules for living the most perfect, progressive, or optimized life.
Or you’re frustrated to be fighting the lingering conviction that you’re just inherently bad and don’t deserve to be happy, feel pleasure, or have needs. Self-doubt, guilt, and shame are legacies of adverse religious experiences that can pervade all areas of life.
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Early-instilled fears of the apocalypse, smiting, or damnation don’t usually vanish after one well-reasoned critique, unfortunately. And neither does the anger and pain of being abused and exploited by spiritual mentors and church leaders – the wariness of systems, authority, vulnerability, and community lingers, even as you feel more alone.
Questioning and rethinking your worldview can be profoundly disorienting and existentially distressing. Whether in search of a reclaimed religious life, healthier spirituality, or neither, deconstructing your foundational beliefs – about yourself, others, and the world – that help give life a sense of meaning and purpose is both daunting and complicated.
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Deconstructing can lead to big choices and major life transitions. Maybe you’re coming out, just started HRT, or have left a long-term relationship or marriage that was defined by complementarian gender roles.
If you worked in ministry, you might be navigating the stress of a major career pivot while also feeling guilty about your role — even as you were also harmed by — the church.
The uncertainty of what comes next could have you feeling light with relief, paralyzed by choices, eager to jump in, or completely overwhelmed. Even if figuring out what’s next is more exciting than terrifying, the grief and stress inherent to life changes and transition can be a lot to process.
AFFIRMING THERAPY THAT EMPOWERS YOU
In the accepting and validating container of therapy, you’ll get to know yourself, maybe for the first time. As you give voice to what’s long been silenced, we’ll identify triggers, challenges, and goals to bring you more confidence, ease, and clarity into your life.
Because the abuse of power is such a hallmark of high-control religious settings, I’m especially proactive in religious trauma therapy to create a collaborative and non-hierarchical environment. Instead of replicating harmful dynamics or passively standing by when you’re hurting, I aim to empower you. With a person-centered and intersectionally feminist foundation, I’ll provide the critical scaffolding to support you as you develop new skills and greater self-trust.
No one knows your experience better than you.
Working together, we’ll create a flexible and personalized plan that takes your background, neurotype, preferences, and past therapy experiences into consideration and that goes at your own pace. I’ll offer suggestions and creative ideas to help you break out of those sneaky binaries or limiting rules – never demands or punitive commands.
Processing past traumatic experiences doesn’t involve retraumatizing or pathologizing you. While labels and diagnoses can sometimes be useful language to connect with community and resources, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Pushing back against what feels confining and stigmatizing, we’ll use whatever evolving wording feels right for you to talk about your identities and experiences. And you won’t have to dig up every painful memory and discuss it at length. Instead, we’ll build up your resources so that, in your own timing, we’re able to revisit and reframe them with new lenses, shifted narratives, and increased compassion.
Healing may not be linear, but it is possible.
I’ll draw relevant elements from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Mindful Self-Compassion, and Narrative Therapy, adapted to be culturally-responsive, trauma-informed, and neurodivergent-affirming.
As you discover how to disengage from the sticky spiral of negative memories, emotions, and thoughts, you’ll feel lighter and more free. With a broadening sense of possibility, you’ll be able to give your past and current selves more compassion while being more present and grounded in your life now.
I HELP FOLKS WITH:
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Unlearn purity culture to discover pleasure with your self and others without shame
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Explore identity, roles, presentation, transition, and affirming care on your own terms
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Process the particular challenges growing up undiagnosed neurodivergent in high-control religious settings
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Re-design your work, relationships, and life overall to feel authentic, sustainable, and grounded in your own values
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Reflect on sexual and romantic attractions with the lenses of compulsive cis-heteronormativity and amatanormativity (the societal assumption that everyone should seek and prioritize romantic relationships)
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Manage scrupulosity (religion-based obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors) and other forms of anxiety
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Deconstruct confining religious beliefs, explore decolonizing spiritual practices, and develop a sense of meaning and purpose based on your chosen values
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Examine and affirm the distinct experiences of ethnic-specific churches, or of being a racial minority in overwhelmingly white evangelical spaces
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Address disconnect, dysphoria, and disordered eating to build a more embodied relationship with “the flesh”
Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Religious Trauma can help you:
Unpack painful, formative, or confusing experiences and relationships in religious contexts
Manage intrusive negative thoughts, feelings, and memories with practical strategies and self-compassion
Identify your feelings and desires to set healthy boundaries and communicate clearly
Gain confidence and comfort in your body, beliefs, and decisions
Decrease the disruption of guilt and shame, so you can actually enjoy your identity, relationships, sex, and pleasure of all kinds
Grow into a more embodied, expansive future based on what matters most to you
Feel less shame. Find more freedom.
FAQs about Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Religious Trauma
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Not at all! Therapy is a space where you don’t have to have all (or any) of the answers — all you have to do is show up. Wherever you’re at and however you’re feeling, together, we can explore your questions, confusions, mixed feelings, and uncertainty with gentle curiosity at your own pace.
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Nope! The gender roles and norms of Purity Culture are harmful for cis-het people too. And there are so many ways repressive religious environments can be traumatic and troubling regardless of how you identify.
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Absolutely not! “Conversion” or “reparative therapy” or any form of intervention attempting to change someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity is not therapy. These practices are not effective and, more importantly, cause significant psychological harm and are illegal in the 20+ states and a growing number of cities and counties. All major mental health organizations and medical associations have clear positions opposing “conversion therapy” (including, but not limited to: the American Counseling Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Medical Association).
As a queer- and trans-affirming therapist, I don’t think biblical or pastoral counselors, healthcare providers, religious leaders, TERFs, or any other gatekeepers can decide who you are – it’s up to you how you identify.
And just because you don’t need to be changed or “fixed,” doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to evolve. You have the right to set aside words and identities that no longer fit, to explore what feels right for now without locking you into forever, and to embrace multiple or no labels. I’m here, without expectation or agenda, to support you.
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No problem! In fact, therapy can be a great place to unpack confusing experiences and influential environments, whether they’re related to religion or not. Plus it’s really common for folks who’ve been through abusive relationships, unhealthy community dynamics, or other traumatic experiences to minimize and doubt how — or even whether — they’ve been harmed.
While many of my clients have had adverse religious experiences, I support folks with a wide variety of issues they’d like to work on in therapy. Other specific specialties include: Depression & Anxiety; Burnout & Life Design; and Adult Autism & ADHD. If you’re interested in working together or have other questions, schedule a consultation call and we can chat more.
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Yes, gladly! I’m most familiar with American Christian evangelicalism (through both lived and clinical experience); however, I also gladly work with and welcome folks from all other spiritual and religious (and nonreligious) experiences and backgrounds.
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Absolutely not. Unlike unregulated Biblical or Pastoral counselors, licensed clinicians like myself have a legal and ethical requirement to avoid imposing our values or beliefs onto clients. Particularly when dealing with religious trauma, I am especially intentional about meeting you wherever you’re at and centering your questions and beliefs.
To preserve therapy as a time and space focused on you, I don’t typically share about my personal experiences and beliefs beyond saying I’m queer- and trans-affirming and an ex-vangelical. If it would help you feel more comfortable working with me, I’d be happy to answer relevant questions in a free consultation call.
More questions? Or something I haven’t addressed here? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and ask away!